Thursday, February 21, 2013

Geez, I Get It

Being an adult sucks sometimes. Sometimes I worry. Sometimes I panic. Sometimes I wallow in hopelessness. Sometimes I yell at God, demanding His intervention. 
And He hits me over the head with answers until I’m ready to stop worrying, calm down, and listen. When I finally take the time to calm down, the messages are so clear my initial response is, “Geez, I get it; stop hitting me over the head!”

I’ve been reevaluating a lot of things this week and been trying to make decisions about my future. I thought I was evenly torn at best, trapped at worst, and sure that there wasn’t a good option. Then within 24 hours, at least five different events or people provided me with the exact same advice, like God was repeating a message to me in every medium until I listened. Geez, I get it. 

It doesn’t make anything easier, effort-wise. I still have to do the work and make the decisions. But it does calm me down and help me look at things from a more rational place. I’m not in an abyss. There’s someone (really, lots of caring someones) to catch me if I stumble. Hopeless causes aren’t in fact hopeless.

When thinking about this, I thought about the last time I got demanding of God to tell me something. When I looked back at my blog, it was almost a year ago to the day that I posting Yelling at God. The situation was completely different, but I still reacted the same way. Not praying about it so much as demanding God to provide a solution, followed by immediate regret of my actions. Is this some bizarre seasonal outlet? I certainly hope not, although the predictability would be nice. The biggest motivator for improving my prayer life is that I definitely don’t want to be repeating this pattern a year from now. I shouldn’t act this awful toward God in my moments of weakness.

I imagine me rolling my eyes and adolescently saying, “Geez, I get it.” And God is rolling His eyes and patiently responding, “No, you don’t.”

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