Holy Week Full of Holes

Holy Week just wasn’t working for me this year. I was so excited for it. I wanted the four days of being home and just focusing on church services. But then a scheduling error made me miss Good Friday service (I made it to the Stations of the Cross in Spanish though, which was nice, even if really, really awkward). Maunday Thursday didn’t feel sad, somehow. And I found myself at the Easter Vigil just totally not into it. I tried to focus on the good—the day itself, the flowers, the readings. But every little detail was taking me out of the moment. The lack of incense, the bright lights instead of a dark church, the bad music, the long homily. I knew I was being petty, but I wanted to enjoy Mass; I wanted to feel something.

On the night I joined the Church, I was terrified I wouldn’t feel anything (or worse, I’d feel like it was all a mistake). I kept reminding myself that joining the Church wasn’t about emotions. This was a decision made out of a lot of thought and prayer and time. If I didn’t feel anything, that would be ok. I needed to be reminded of that this year. I’d had so many beautiful, emotional encounters, I got angry when they weren’t there. I wanted everything to be perfect and transcendent and mystic. Sometimes you just have to muddle through some less-than-perfect days. Sometimes you don’t feel anything. Sometimes you don’t grow.

We sang through the litany of the saints, and we got down to the patrons of the candidates. Francis de Sales. My ears perked up, and my focus returned. Someone else was joining the Church with the same confirmation saint I had chosen; I immediately knew a kindred spirit. And then I watched as a mother and her young son got baptized. And it’s just really hard to stay bitter while watching a baptism. Grace just gets everywhere. It was a flicker that reminded me that dark moments come but they don’t stay forever. I’ll get through a holey Holy Week.

Holy Week Score Card

In my third year as a Catholic, I’m pretty sure Protestants do Holy Week better. Obviously, I mean liturgical Protestants. I’ve explained to many a Baptist what Lent, Maunday Thursday, and Good Friday are as if speaking a foreign language. But I’m talking about churches that do have services throughout the whole week. 

Palm Sunday: This is day Jesus rides into Jerusalem. The people are celebratory and shouting hosannas. It’s a pretty up-tempo time. People are gathering from all around for Passover.

Protestant response: waves palms, talk about donkeys, celebrate arrival to Jerusalem.

Catholic response: cover statues, wave palms, read the long narrative of Jesus’ trail and crucifixion. 

We’re days away from the crucifixion. We’ve still got the betrayal, the Last Supper, the arrest. We’re still in the optimistic part of the story! Why is this part combined with Palm Sunday?

Maunday Thursday: The night the disciples and Jesus washed feet and ate the Last Supper. Later, Jesus was arrested.

Protestant response: Have communion, strip the alter, leave in silence. Sad.

Catholic response: Wash feet, have communion, remove the Eucharist from the tabernacle. I suspect that they are supposed to leave in silence, but the rule isn’t observed.

I understand that the day is a little more upbeat for Catholics, since they focus on the institution of two sacraments—Eucharist and priesthood. Yet the arrest gets sort of shuffled off into the corner. The Eucharist is removed, but we’re not told why. It’s the turning point of the week; I believe the betrayal and arrest need more attention. The perfect ending to Maunday Thursday is when you step out of a silent church and hear police sirens in the distance.

Good Friday and Easter I can’t really compare. I go to different services, and I think both handle those well. I just think the Protestants I know put Palm Sunday and Maunday Thursday on a better timeline and emotional tone than what I’ve experienced in Catholicism. Really, the best thing is to just go to both churches and fill Holy Week up with extra church time.   

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 101)

1. I passed my thesis defense this week. I found myself eerily not-nervous about it. Now I'm in the revisions/submissions/paperworks portion, which is challenging in its own way.

Surprising accurate, although I lacked a sword.

2. I've also been considering stay on an academic route. If money weren't an issue, I would easily be a perpetual student.

3. While also preparing for my thesis defense, last weekend I presented and worked at a big, annual conference. It went amazingly well, but I'm still exhausted from everything. Working on campus for 11 days in a row is not fun. Trying to cram in extra library time while there is just crazy.

4. I tweeted this earlier in the week when I realized just how close I am to getting my master's. Never satisfied. 

5. I am aware that this is also Holy Week. I enjoyed seeing all of the statues,crucifixes, and plants covered in cloth on Palm Sunday. (A cold snap Saturday night led to the plants looking like they were taking part in the day.) One of the churches I attended in undergrad does donkey rides in the parking lot on Palm Sunday; I really wish that were a more popular thing.

6. Holy Week is always tricky for social gatherings. I want to catch up with friends who are all in town for Easter, but you can't really go have drinks and chill when we all have evening Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Easter Vigil services. Add a day of fasting in there along with the awkwardness of being celebratory during the time, and the Triduum is just doesn't work as a reunion season like Christmas does.

7. Fortunately, Easter lasts for several weeks! So there's a good chance of hanging out with my friend in our Easter hats and eating discount candy in the near future. Gloria, indeed.