More Than a Few Good Men

Today is the feast of St. Joseph, spouse of Mary, foster father of Jesus, protector of the Church, terror of demons. My devotion to St. Joseph has grown over the years. He’s such a role model of good masculinity—supportive, loving, steady, strong without being overbearing. I love how he's often shown carrying the child Jesus, an active and attentive father. 

Toxic masculinity is present in so many arenas these days. I’m not going to try to analyze what led us here. But there is a large, loud culture that praises bullying, distains women, and places value in material conquests. It baffles me that so many find the leaders and influencers of this movement appealing. Their over-charged, steroid-fueled bravado looks like weak posturing to me.

Men who are actually strong and comfortable with themselves have no need to study how to be a “real man” or publicly proclaim their own masculinity. Joseph never said a word in the Bible. He doesn’t need to.

I have realized over the years how truly fortunate I am for the good men in my life: family members, teachers, friends’ fathers, coworkers, friends. I have been surrounded by many men who respect women, use their strengths to help the less fortunate, and seek virtue over power. They taught by example—not by forced debate—what a good man was. It wasn’t an adopted worldview; it was innate in their character. How truly blessed I have been to be so respected by men in my life.

It is in realizing how blessed I am that I can start to understand those who get sucked into the toxic culture. Others are not as fortunate—there are boys raised to never show emotion or ask for help, there are girls raised to submit to men’s emotions and not be heard, and both grow up to be people with broken views of love and respect. It’s a culture I don’t understand, and I’m glad I don’t understand. But it’s sad and scary how prevalent it is.

People look at our current leaders and see intelligence and strength and charisma. I see greed and blustering and hatred. I see men who weren’t told “I love you” in their childhoods. I am repealed by their words, their actions, their philosophies.

There are so many better role models in the world. Good men don’t seek power for its own sake. Good men don’t have to put others down to feel good about themselves. Good men don’t hate women. Good men don’t hate themselves, seeking validation in destructive ways.  Good men work hard, support each other, lovingly raise their children, and strive to follow Christ’s example.

Good men stand up for what is right. Good men are peacemakers. Good men thirst for righteousness. Good men confidently oppose toxic masculinity and lead with mercy. Toxic culture mistakes peace and mercy for weakness. But it takes strength to have physical or social power and not abuse it. It takes strength of will to show humility and forgiveness. Good men are strong in ways that toxic men don’t even comprehend.

Thank God for good men. They are the ones who, hopefully, will stop the tide of abusive, domineering toxic masculinity and replace it with a critical, strong masculinity that can lead and love, just like Joseph.