Don't Go It Alone

God’s first observation of man was that “it is not good that man should be alone.” We are social creatures, and we need one another.

But it’s also really hard to be with people. They can be annoying or uncharitable or too needy. They can make ridiculous rules or form wrong ideas. More dangerously, they can harm—physically, sexually, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. They can break one another, abuse one another, hurt one another. And what then? Is that really better than being alone?

There are a lot of people who have been damaged by individuals or institutions who have isolated themselves. They prefer to be alone because their experiences with others have been tragic. They may have escaped a toxic situation, but that does not mean that isolation is healthy. They suffer the effects of their abuse in silence. They distrust others. They convince themselves the journey can be made alone.

“I don’t need a church. I just need Jesus.” It’s a common thought: that one’s spiritual journey is of individual progress and enlightenment. People want to distill a solitary faith journey into this pure, uncontaminated, spiritual essence. But usually it just comes out as a cobbled-together collection of favorite scriptures, poems, writings without a firm foundation or consistent set of ethics. There is also a lack of accountability, criticism, challenge. With no outside conflict, there is little room to grow beyond what interests you as an individual.

It might feel enlightening, liberating, enjoyable. But it is still a form of isolation. It keeps one away from a community of faith. It doesn’t push you beyond comfort or take  you down roads you aren’t looking for. We need others to help us grow. We need others to hold us accountable. We need others to support us. We need others who don’t support us yet offer us chances to practice grace, patience, and charity. We need to be there for the benefit of others’ growth. We need to do good or pay penance at a community level as well as an individual one.

The devil likes when we’re isolated. Like a wounded animal, we are easier to harm when we don’t have a community to run to for help. It is in isolation that he can feed us lies with no one to contradict him.

And that’s why it’s so important to fight isolation, to not retreat away and hide, even when the world has been harmful. That’s why it’s important for us to listen to victims’ stories, let them know they are heard and loved and welcomed, encourage them to stay in community, and help them journey of reentry if they’ve been gone. Sometimes looking for a community or trying to fit into one can be an isolating endeavor in itself. Sometimes the heart is so wounded, it doesn’t feel safe to be vulnerable again.

I don’t know the best way to welcome and integrate others. I don’t know the best way to stop myself from isolating myself at times. I just know it’s not good that we should be alone.